This blog was something I wrote last year. I kept it in a folder on my computer, not sure what to do with it. But, I think it can help all of you. Just like how it helped me once I read it again.
The Palm Reading:
On Saturday August 17, 2013 I went a fair with a few of my close friends.We were walking up a hill and came across a pop-up tent that was featuring two women claiming to be psychics. They offered a variety of readings such as palm, tarot card, psychic, and full life (each one varying in price of course). There was a huge line so instead of waiting we decided to keep walking and eventually come back to the tent, if time permitted. Later on, after we had wasted countless dollars of delicious fair food, we wound up back to these two very alluring psychics. Not sure why this appealed to us so much, maybe the chance to see into our futures was part of it, to see if what we have been working so hard to make perfect, would be worth it. We all waited about 30 minutes. I decided to splurge for the palm reading, meaning I went for the cheapest way to get ripped off by the chain smoking psychics. But much to my surprise, this woman somehow seemed to know a lot about me. She looked at my palm and looked me in the eyes and said that she can tell I have a lot of joy and happiness on my face that I put on for other people but inside I was hurting, and sad. She can tell that someone had hurt me very badly, and I had put a wall up around
my heart. And she then told me that my relationship had no closure. And that I had one foot in the past, and one in the present. I had been feeling that way, and saying that to myself for months. For this woman to get so much out of me, and be so dead on with my emotions and feelings, was shocking. A big part of me wonders how much of this is rehearsed and a crock of shit, but some of it really resonated with me, and made me think. It is time to move on. She told me that love is coming soon, and to be patient. I need to stop comparing other men to him, because that is preventing love from coming into my life. That statement couldn’t be truer. I always look at other men and think; I wonder if they will treat me like him, will they hurt me like he did. But I also think of the good things. I wonder if they will hold me when I cry, just like Sam did, and even more importantly, will they love me as much as he did. Because when he loved me, I never felt more love in my life. This psychic also said something very important. I don’t have to move fast in relationships. She said that she sensed my friends moving very quickly in their love lives, but that I wasn't like that, which is so true. It took me over a year to be very intimate with Sam. That meant almost more than anything else she said. Because that is one of my biggest fears going into a new relationship. I don’t want any sort of horrific pressure; I need to go at my own pace to be comfortable with myself and the new man. This palm reading was just one more sign that I need to let go, and move on. And let myself be happy, because this state that I’m in right now is certainly not happiness.
The Palm Reading:
On Saturday August 17, 2013 I went a fair with a few of my close friends.We were walking up a hill and came across a pop-up tent that was featuring two women claiming to be psychics. They offered a variety of readings such as palm, tarot card, psychic, and full life (each one varying in price of course). There was a huge line so instead of waiting we decided to keep walking and eventually come back to the tent, if time permitted. Later on, after we had wasted countless dollars of delicious fair food, we wound up back to these two very alluring psychics. Not sure why this appealed to us so much, maybe the chance to see into our futures was part of it, to see if what we have been working so hard to make perfect, would be worth it. We all waited about 30 minutes. I decided to splurge for the palm reading, meaning I went for the cheapest way to get ripped off by the chain smoking psychics. But much to my surprise, this woman somehow seemed to know a lot about me. She looked at my palm and looked me in the eyes and said that she can tell I have a lot of joy and happiness on my face that I put on for other people but inside I was hurting, and sad. She can tell that someone had hurt me very badly, and I had put a wall up around
my heart. And she then told me that my relationship had no closure. And that I had one foot in the past, and one in the present. I had been feeling that way, and saying that to myself for months. For this woman to get so much out of me, and be so dead on with my emotions and feelings, was shocking. A big part of me wonders how much of this is rehearsed and a crock of shit, but some of it really resonated with me, and made me think. It is time to move on. She told me that love is coming soon, and to be patient. I need to stop comparing other men to him, because that is preventing love from coming into my life. That statement couldn’t be truer. I always look at other men and think; I wonder if they will treat me like him, will they hurt me like he did. But I also think of the good things. I wonder if they will hold me when I cry, just like Sam did, and even more importantly, will they love me as much as he did. Because when he loved me, I never felt more love in my life. This psychic also said something very important. I don’t have to move fast in relationships. She said that she sensed my friends moving very quickly in their love lives, but that I wasn't like that, which is so true. It took me over a year to be very intimate with Sam. That meant almost more than anything else she said. Because that is one of my biggest fears going into a new relationship. I don’t want any sort of horrific pressure; I need to go at my own pace to be comfortable with myself and the new man. This palm reading was just one more sign that I need to let go, and move on. And let myself be happy, because this state that I’m in right now is certainly not happiness.